There’s a moment in every woman’s life when the ache gets too loud to ignore.
For Jess, that moment came in the form of an eight-year relationship full of ups and downs, followed by a late-night documentary, and one simple but terrifying question:
“Is it scarier to stay here… or to leap into the unknown?”
In this powerful solo episode of Let Her Speak, Jess invites us to explore the deep difference between living from our survival self versus our soul self. This is the kind of knowing that arrives after years of internal war and a nervous system that’s been running the show.
The Survival Self Isn’t Bad – But It’s Not Free
The survival self is the part of us wired to keep things “safe.” Predictable. Familiar. It’s shaped by childhood conditioning, trauma, and years of believing that the world is dangerous, or that love must be earned. It’s where perfectionism, people-pleasing, emotional shutdown, and guilt all get their airtime.
Jess shares her story of being stuck in a relationship that looked “good enough” on the outside, but felt heavy on the inside. And like so many women, she stayed – not because it felt right, but because it felt familiar.
“I was recreating the chaos I saw growing up. I didn’t know another way. I thought the outside world needed to change. I didn’t realise that I had any power in this.”
This is the survival self at work. It gathers evidence to keep us small. It’s that voice in your head that says, “Don’t rock the boat,” or “This is just how life is.”
The Soul Self is Quiet – But Fierce
But there’s another part – the soul self. The voice that whispers when the world gets quiet. The one that dares to imagine a different kind of life – one built on trust, not control.
Jess reflects on the moment she finally made the decision to leave her relationship because staying had become too painful to ignore.
“It was more terrifying to feel like this forever than it was to leap into the unknown.”
That’s the soul self speaking, not without fear, but with a deeper knowing. And here’s the paradox: soul-led decisions often feel terrifying at first, but they lead to freedom. Meanwhile, survival-led decisions feel safer in the beginning, but end up costing us the life we truly want.
Your Body Will Try to Talk You Out of It
Don’t be surprised if, once you leap, something “goes wrong.” Jess shares the story of a client who finally booked her dream trip – only to have her car break down three days later. Instantly, the survival self jumped in: See? This is why you don’t make big decisions.
But what if the breakdown wasn’t punishment, but practice? A moment to rewire the belief that “bad things happen when I choose myself.” A chance to prove to your nervous system that you’re safe, even when plans change.
You’re Not Crazy – You’re Expanding
The nervous system doesn’t care if a change is good or bad – it just knows it’s unfamiliar. So fear doesn’t mean you’re on the wrong path. It means you’re brushing up against what you’ve never held before. You’re stretching. Becoming.
“The fear isn’t proof you’re wrong. It’s a sign your nervous system is expanding.”
That’s why the work Jess teaches – nervous system awareness, emotional regulation, and deep reparenting – matters so deeply.
Your Invitation
Where in your life are you choosing “safe” over aligned?
What would shift if you asked yourself:
“Am I making this decision from fear – or from trust?”
This episode is a gentle nudge to show you that underneath the shutdown, the doubt, the freeze… is a soul that knows.
