Breath, Birth & Becoming – The Power of Life’s Transitions
There’s a quiet magic in being with women at the edges of life — those moments where everything feels like it might fall apart, and yet something entirely new is trying to be born.
Nicola Laye knows those moments well. For over 25 years, she’s been holding space for women as a breathwork practitioner, mentor, and guide through life’s biggest transitions. Her work began in palliative care, where she sat with people as they took their last breaths. Later, she found herself in birth rooms, supporting women as they took their first breaths as mothers. And in both spaces, she heard the same thing: breath carries wisdom, and breath reveals truth.
The Practitioner’s Coat
Nicola admitted she’d spent much of her professional life “wearing the practitioner’s coat” — showing up in service to others while keeping parts of herself hidden. It was safe, it was comfortable, but it meant her full light wasn’t shining.
Now, at 51 and on the threshold of menopause, she’s letting herself be “super shiny” — unapologetically visible, no longer shrinking to make others comfortable. That shift, she says, is partly the gift of lived experience. “It’s the first time I can truly say I don’t care what people think anymore,” she told me. “And it’s a relief.”
The Threads That Run Through Us
Nicola teaches that every rite of passage — our first period, our first sexual experience, marriage, birth, menopause — carries an emotional thread that often began at our own birth.
Some are born into love. Others, through no fault of their parents, are born into fear. If a baby’s earliest moments are filled with separation or stress, the body remembers. That thread of fear, or disconnection, or not belonging, can weave its way into every later life transition.
Her role in birth work is to help parents uncover and meet those threads before they walk into the birthing room. “Hypnobirthing is great,” she says, “but if you’re carrying an unspoken fear, it will rise during birth. My job is to shine a light on it and bring love to it.”
Postpartum — The Unspoken Rite
Postpartum, she says, is one of the hardest rites of passage — and one of the least honestly spoken about. We’ve lost the village. Women are told they should be able to do it all, often without asking for help, for fear of seeming like they’re failing.
The truth? No one is meant to do it alone. And without support, those early postpartum feelings of overwhelm, disconnection, or resentment can linger for years.
Her advice is simple, but it requires courage:
- Ask for help, and keep asking until you get it.
- Build a circle that feels nourishing — not every other mother will be your person.
- Put down the phone and be present, even in tiny moments.
- Communicate openly with your partner; you’re a team, not separate job titles.
Breath as Medicine
For Nicola, breathwork is more than a technique. It’s a practice of life. She describes it as a way to quiet the mind, meet yourself without judgment, and soften into self-compassion. “Every time I breathe, I’m reminded — I’m alive, I’m here. There’s wisdom in that.”
That wisdom isn’t about perfection. It’s about noticing. Forgiving yourself. Letting go of the pressure to have it all together.
The Moment That Changed Everything
Nicola shared a story that stayed with me. On her daughter’s first birthday, they were on holiday in Noosa. Her little girl was playing by the toddler pool. Nicola was hunched over her laptop, answering calls and doing staff rosters. She looked up, noticed the child, and thought, Oh, isn’t she beautiful?
Then it hit her — That’s my baby. She hadn’t recognised her in that moment.
It was the wake-up call she needed. “Let’s move,” she told her husband. They left Sydney for the Gold Coast soon after, choosing a life that allowed her to be present.
It’s a reminder we all need: don’t wait until the moment you realise you’ve been distracted from the real gift.
Becoming Who You Already Are
As we closed our conversation, Nicola offered this: “Notice yourself. You’re amazing just as you are. We’re always a work in progress because we’re human. Forgive yourself. Our children see the world through our eyes until they can see through their own — give them eyes that see joy.”
Life’s rites of passage will keep coming. Birth, loss, love, separation, menopause — each one an invitation to meet ourselves more fully. And with every breath, we get to choose how we step through.
