There’s this phrase we hear all the time: Remember who you are. Or maybe it’s Make decisions from your true self. And it sounds lovely, doesn’t it? Soulful. Empowering.
Except… what if you hear that and it’s just blank? No image of “her” in your mind. No feeling of what’s right. Just… nothing.
For a lot of us – myself included at different points – the idea of making a decision from our “true nature” feels foreign. Why? Because for as long as we can remember, we’ve been making decisions for everyone else. The way that pleases our family. The way that meets society’s expectations. The way that’s “responsible.”
When you’ve been filtering your choices through the lens of What will they think? and What’s the safest option? for years, the connection to What do I actually want? gets buried under all that noise.
Why it’s hard to hear yourself
A client said to me recently, “I honestly don’t know how to decide from my true self – I’ve never done it.” She’s not alone.
Cultural rules, family patterns, and all the “shoulds” of adulthood can drown out our inner signals so completely that, when someone asks us, What’s truly aligned for you?, we panic. We think, If I can’t answer this, I’ll never create the life I want.
That terror is normal – but it’s not the truth.
Start small (even if your brain says that’s pointless)
When we’re suffering over the big stuff – Should I quit this job? Should I end this relationship? – it’s tempting to think that the only thing that will make a difference is finally deciding on the big stuff.
But here’s the thing: if you can’t recognise an aligned decision in the small, low-stakes moments, you’ll struggle to trust yourself with the big ones.
So I asked my client: “How do you decide which tea to drink?”
She told me she avoids coffee in the morning because it makes her feel anxious. She drinks rooibos instead. At night she likes peppermint tea because it relaxes her. Without realising it, she’d been making aligned choices every single day based on how her body feels – she just hadn’t labelled it that way.
Alignment doesn’t have to be mystical
We get intimidated by words like alignment and intuition – I know I did. Early on, I thought it was all hogwash. People would talk about “feeling energy” and I’d roll my eyes.
But when we strip it back, an “aligned” choice is simply a choice that’s best for you in that moment – for your growth, your energy, your joy. It’s your body and mind quietly working together to guide you toward what you need.
It might be as small as choosing peppermint tea over coffee. Or asking your partner to grab you a glass of water when they’re heading to the kitchen – even if you’ve been conditioned to “not bother” anyone.
.The two paths: survival self vs soul self
In my Becoming Her immersion, we’ve been exploring this theme of decision-making from our true nature. It really comes down to two paths:
- Survival self decisions come from fear, scarcity, or the need to control outcomes. They keep us safe, but also small.
- Soul self decisions are made from a place of expansion, growth, and trust. They often involve stepping into the unknown.
Neither path is without challenge – but only one leads you toward the life you actually want.
Self-trust is built in the unknown
Here’s the tricky bit: we don’t magically feel confident and then take the leap. We take the leap first, and in that unknown space, we discover how resourceful we really are.
For me, the deepest self-trust has come from moments that were wildly uncomfortable: leaving an eight-year relationship, walking away from a career I thought I’d have forever, starting my business, becoming a mother.
Each leap forced me to meet parts of myself I couldn’t have found by staying in the familiar.
Why children are such good teachers
I think about my daughter, who’s 18 months old. Her happiest moments? When she’s doing something just beyond her comfort zone. Running down a steeper hill. Climbing higher than before. Seeing something new out the window.
We come into the world wired for growth and expansion – and somewhere along the way, the “responsible” self takes over. We start prioritising safety over aliveness.
It’s not about fixing society – it’s about choosing differently
We could spend hours dissecting why society conditions us this way. But honestly? I’m not interested in just talking about the problem. The real freedom comes when we notice the conditioning and then choose something else.
That choice might be tiny. But it matters.
You are whole, even in your incompleteness
None of us will “finish” growing in this lifetime. We’ll leave this planet with unfulfilled desires – and that’s not failure. That’s the point. Desire pulls us forward.
We are whole even as we continue to expand.
Bringing it back to today
The question is not Can I overhaul my entire life this week? It’s What’s one decision I can make today that honours what’s true for me?
Maybe that decision is what tea you drink. Maybe it’s taking a five-minute walk between meetings. Maybe it’s asking for help when you’d normally stay silent.
Start small. Let those moments stack up. That’s how you rebuild self-trust. That’s how the big decisions stop feeling so impossible.
