Have you ever looked at a pattern in your life and thought, “Why am I like this? Why do I keep doing this when it makes me feel awful?” Whether it’s saying yes when you mean no, playing small even when you know you’re meant for more, or constantly doubting your worth — the truth is, most of these patterns weren’t yours to begin with.
In Episode 5 of Let Her Speak, Jess sits down with transformational coach and master NLP practitioner Michelle Masters to explore the invisible forces that shape us. The episode is a wake-up call for any woman who feels like she’s living by someone else’s script — one she never consciously chose.
Where Do These Patterns Come From?
Michelle opens the conversation by explaining that our brains are wired for survival, not joy. From an early age, our subconscious minds soak up beliefs, behaviors, and emotional patterns from our environment — usually from parents, caregivers, and culture. These form the foundation of how we operate in the world.
“So many women are walking around living patterns they didn’t choose,” Michelle says. “They were inherited. Learned. Copied. And now they’re running the show.”
That explains why you might:
- Keep attracting the same kind of unfulfilling relationships
- Feel guilt around setting boundaries
- Struggle to accept compliments or success
- Overfunction, overgive, and burn out
It’s not because you’re weak. It’s because your nervous system is loyal to old programming that says, “This is how we stay safe.”
The Problem with Willpower
One of the biggest myths Jess and Michelle bust in this episode is the idea that willpower alone can break these cycles. “If information alone could change our lives, we’d all be walking miracles,” Michelle jokes.
Real change requires more than affirmations and productivity hacks. It requires healing the root belief that formed the pattern in the first place. This is where tools like NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and nervous system regulation come in. These approaches help rewire our responses at the subconscious level, so we can make aligned choices without the inner war.
From Self-Blame to Self-Compassion
One of the most beautiful moments in the episode is when Michelle reminds us: “It’s not your fault, but it is your responsibility.” We didn’t choose our programming, but we do have the power to change it.
Jess adds that most women she works with are carrying shame for behaviours that were simply their nervous system doing its job. People-pleasing, perfectionism, overthinking — these aren’t personality flaws. They’re survival strategies that helped us navigate complex environments. But they’re not meant to be permanent homes.
The shift begins when we stop judging ourselves for how we cope and start getting curious. What if that inner critic was just a scared little girl trying to get it right? What if the voice that says, “You’re too much” or “You’re not enough” isn’t even yours?
Breaking the Cycle
Michelle shares that healing starts by observing our reactions with compassion instead of criticism. “Every time we meet a trigger with presence, we open a door to freedom,” she says.
Here are a few questions to ask yourself:
- Where in my life do I feel out of alignment?
- Which patterns or behaviors feel familiar but frustrating?
- Whose voice am I listening to when I doubt myself?
- What might it look like to choose differently, even in one small way?
When we get curious instead of critical, healing becomes possible. And as Jess says at the end of the episode: “You’re allowed to outgrow your programming.”
Final Thoughts
This conversation is a permission slip to release the shame and take your power back. Whether you’re a mum, a business owner, or just a woman trying to remember who she is, this episode will leave you feeling seen, grounded, and ready to rewrite your story.
Because the truth is this: you were never broken. You were patterned. And now you get to choose a new way.
