Despite reading the books, doing the breathwork, journaling your feelings, and trying to be “better,” the voice still creeps in:
You’re not doing enough. You’re not showing up enough. You’re not enough.
If you’ve ever felt that way—especially as a mother, business owner, or just a woman trying to find her footing in a world that asks you to be everything to everyone, all at once—this episode is your wake-up call.
In Episode 3 of Let Her Speak, Jess sits down with Nicole Kalil—speaker, podcast host, and author of Validation Is For Parking—to get honest about what confidence really is… and what it absolutely is not.
What We Get Wrong About Confidence
Nicole is on a mission to unravel the deeply flawed narrative women have been sold: that confidence looks like perfection, assertiveness, and the absence of self-doubt.
This model? It’s male-centric. It’s external. And it doesn’t work for most women.
Real confidence, she says, isn’t loud. It’s not about ego or domination. It’s about self-trust. But for most women, trust in ourselves has been eroded over a lifetime of conditioning.
We’re praised for being good. For being quiet. For being agreeable.
We’re told to be selfless—but not to take up too much space.
We’ve learned that our value comes from how useful, helpful, or likable we are to others.
No wonder so many women are exhausted trying to be everything but themselves.
Why “Worthiness Work” Doesn’t Always Stick
If you’ve ever been told to “just love yourself” or do more worthiness affirmations and still felt like something was missing, you’re not broken.
Nicole explains that these practices often skim the surface. If we haven’t learned to build trust with ourselves—if we’re still outsourcing our decisions, boundaries, or value to others—no amount of mindset work will give us a true sense of internal safety.
True confidence doesn’t mean you never feel afraid. It means you know how to come home to yourself in those moments. You know what matters to you. You know how to make aligned decisions. And you’ve stopped performing for permission.
Mothers and the Confidence Crisis
This hits especially hard for mothers.
As Jess shares in the episode, motherhood often becomes the final identity layer on top of an already complex pile of roles. Suddenly, we’re not just women navigating external expectations—we’re doing it while responsible for keeping small humans alive, usually with minimal support and massive pressure.
Motherhood can strip away the things that once anchored your sense of self. And when you don’t recognise the woman in the mirror anymore, it’s easy to mistake that loss for failure.
But Nicole reminds us: Confidence isn’t about never questioning yourself. It’s about remembering you’re allowed to evolve—and still trust your voice along the way.
Practical Ways to Rebuild Self-Trust
In this episode, you’ll hear some of Nicole’s most grounded, practical ways to begin rebuilding a relationship with yourself that doesn’t rely on others’ opinions or external achievements.
Start with this question:
“What do I want—and how do I know?”
It’s deceptively simple, but for many women, it’s the most radical place to begin.
Jess and Nicole also explore:
- How to notice when you’re outsourcing your self-worth
- Why “performative confidence” keeps you stuck in shame
- How to stop being the “good girl” and start being yourself
The truth is, you don’t need to become someone else to feel confident. You need to become more of yourself.
The Confidence Con, Debunked
Confidence isn’t about pushing through or adding more to your to-do list. It’s not about saying all the right things or looking like you have it together.
Confidence is quiet, rooted, internal.
It’s in your ability to choose yourself again and again—even when the world doesn’t get it.
And that’s exactly what this episode offers you: a path back to you.
